Cherry Blossoms

Betrayed by a kiss

2011-04-20T19:36:00.000-07:00

I feel betrayed.

I shouldn't but I can sense the tip of your knife on my aching back. I won't be able to forget when your name is roughly carved on it.

I thought I knew a person. I guess from the moment I wrote this post's title that I do not know her as I thought I did. I guess what they say is true, everyone has a few skeletons in their wardrobes, well hers was the BoogeyMan.

Maybe I don't have the right to feel this way, I guess I considered myself as her friend when I really wasn't. I wish she just knew she could have confided in me anything she wanted. Whether it's small white lies or hidden ticking dynamites, I would have guard them with my life. But life goes on, and so will we. I might keep this blunt knife of hers together with the rest but I wish that you find happiness in the odd corners that you seek.

When you're ready, I'm just here.

We are FAMILY..

2010-08-07T15:06:00.000-07:00

Growing up, my dad has always told me, that family should always come first.

Family is what you’ll only have when everyone have turned their backs on you.

It hurts me to say this but ever since I left the Philippines, I think I must have forgotten what it is like to be in a family.

But even though far apart, my adorable cousins and relatives together with my sister makes up for what I’ve lost and keep trying to find.

Oh, how the days pass us by...

2010-05-24T12:30:00.000-07:00

2010..

I know I haven't posted anything for quite a while now.. Okay, more than a while. But I've got a good reason! It's because I actually found me a:

job

university

and the best thing of all, I found meself a boyfriend~!

He is simply wonderful! But I'm keeping my mouth shut on this one, as I'm scared sh**less of perhaps jinxing this amazing relationship. (I know you may not believe it but writing about stuff that I like, almost never ever has a good result. Perhaps, I'll post about this peculiar curse of mine in the near future.)

Anyways... all I gotta say is that I have lost my way. I have lost sight on what was important to me and somehow bit by bit I am trying to gain them all back. And I must admit, I have also lost the incentive to write.

Writing with the knowledge that not a lot of people will be reading, does disappoint me.. a lot. But as I pondered more on the subject, I realized that I write not to have tons of readers, but

I write because I want to share what I've come to know, experienced and ignored.

Maybe perhaps, to some, these words mean nothing at all, but thankfully there is always the "other" audience, and that is the audience that I want to reach out to. So without further ado all I I have left to say (and been dying to spill it out already) is..

I'M BACK! :D

Photo by: Cute Kawaii

http://www.flickr.com/photos/29198163@N06/2737776105/

Remember me...?

2009-08-16T16:00:00.000-07:00

Is there a difference between something that will disappear and something that never existed?

I asked Ying one Sunday afternoon.
“Yeah, I will miss the thing that will disappear more than the thing that never existed.” She answered.
“Why is that?” I asked.
“Because how can you miss something that has never existed?”

As I pondered over that question, I couldn’t help but agree with what she said. It is true that we cannot miss something that has never happened since we have never experienced it. But I say that with that same statement is that we also start to miss out on what could have happened.

For example, think about a love that has disappeared in your life. Sure it may have broken your heart but if someone would ask you if you would want to relive it again, you would agree without a thought right? Because no matter how painful the ending was, the beginning and the middle of your love story contains memories and experiences that made you what you are today, memories and experiences that will forever be engraved in your whole being (I don’t wanna say heart, too cheesy >.< ).
Now think about never ever having that love, never ever having that relationship, never experiencing the tingles you felt with that special person, never having the chance to notice and listen to those love songs that reminded you of that person. You will never experience all those feelings and events just because you simply didn’t do anything to make it happen. Maybe you just didn’t ask her/him out. Perhaps, you weren’t interested or he/she wasn’t. All those memories that could have happened are gone all because of the choice you or he/she made. Therefore that thing that has never existed now creates an even deeper impact than the thing that will disappear. And that leads us to another question: What would cause you more pain, regret or reminiscence? Which one will cause you more pain, which one will hover over your head in the middle of the night while darkness surrounds you as your silent tears fall down your cheek? Which one will you be longing to go back to? Which one will affect the unknown future?

Which one will cost you more…?

Is it the regret of the choices you have made to have caused that relationship, event and experience to not exist or the reminiscing of the past memories that you have gained?

So in my point of view, the thing that has never existed is the thing that I will miss more simply because in life

we tend to regret the things we didn't do more than the ones we did.

Just think happy thoughts, sprinkle a little fairy dust... and you're off to Neverland.

2009-06-01T12:53:00.000-07:00

I believe in you.
Can you feel the deep impact it does to your soul?

I believe in you.
Don’t you just ache for someone to say those words and mean it?

I believe in you.
It’s been a phrase I’ve always been longing for…

All these years I’ve been telling everyone that I didn’t know what to do. But now after all that time I’ve figured out, I’ve figured out what I’ve always wanted to do.

I wanted to write.

Writing is my passion. It’s just something that makes me feel happy, makes me feel worthy, something that makes me feel alive in this stone cold world. However, even if it creates all these emotions inside of me there will be times when I just stop believing in myself and start distrusting on what I can do. I begin to think of what the little me can offer to others when there are so many more talented writers out there? What would be special about my writing that people would be able find solace in it, when most of the times I can’t even write what I want to write? And in these times, I just want someone to tell me those simple words.

“You can do it. I believe in you.”

I want someone to believe in me and someone I can believe in. I want someone who will say those words and mean it. Not just because it’s what friends say, something that is customary, no I want the real thing. Someone who believes that I can be who I wanna be and do what I wanna do.
So I guess until now I still haven’t figure out what I wanna study because I feel that no one believes in me and each one doubts my abilities. I sense that everyone keeps underestimating me so I keep underestimating myself. I know that no one believes in me so I slowly stop believing in myself...
I have to admit. I envy my friend Kirsten. Her dad believes in her writing. He thinks that it’s something really important so he keeps helping her with it.

So again I will say “I’ve always wanted that.”

Photo by: aepoc from Flickr. http://www.flickr.com/photos/aepoc/2810237128/

There For Tomorrow - Ice Box(Cover)

2009-05-05T03:05:00.001-07:00

So there's this band "There For Tomorrow" that I really like who made a cover of a really good song, "Ice Box" originally performed by Omarion. And now I'm addicted to it. I can't stop listening to it! You guys have to listen to it too!

Here's the video.

The Lyrics:

Fussing and fighting, we, back at it again
I know that it's my fault you don't understand (no)
I got memories, this is crazy
You ain't nothing like the girl I used to know
Good with ma, good with pa, cool with all my friends
I should try, to decide, want to let you in, but (no) that means memories, and it's crazy
You ain't nothing like the girl I used to know

Girl I really wanna work this out cause I'm tired of fighting (tired of fighting)
And I really hope you still want me the way I want you (you, you)
I said I really wanna work this out, but girl I'm trying, it's no excuse, no excuse

(But I got this) I got this Icebox where my heart used to be
(But I got this) Icebox where my heart used to be (I said I got it)
(No) I'm so Cold I'm So Cold I'm So Cold I'm So Cold (I said I got it)
(No) I'm so Cold I'm So Cold I'm So Cold I'm So Cold

(But I got this) I got this Icebox where my heart used to be
(I said I got this) Icebox where my heart used to be
(No) I'm so Cold I'm So Cold I'm So Cold I'm So Cold
(No) I'm so Cold I'm So Cold I'm So Cold I'm So Cold

Why can't I get it right? Just can't let it go?
I open up she let me down
I won't feel that no more (no)
I got memories this is crazy
You ain't nothing like the girl I used to know
I don't mean to take it out on you baby but I can't help it
Cause my heart is in the same old condition that baby left it
(and I) I apologize for making you cry
Look me in my eyes and promise you wont do me the same

Girl I really wanna work this out cause I'm tired of fighting (fighting)
And I really hope you still want me the way I want you (you, you)
I said I really wanna work this out, but girl I'm trying, it's no excuse, no excuse

I got this Icebox where my heart used to be
(I said I got this) Icebox where my heart used to be (I said I got it)
(No) I'm so cold I'm So Cold I'm So Cold I'm So Cold
(No) I'm so cold I'm So Cold I'm So Cold I'm So Cold

I got this Icebox where my heart used to be
(I said I got this) Icebox where my heart used to be
(No) I'm so cold I'm So Cold I'm So Cold I'm So Cold
(No) I'm so cold I'm So Cold I'm So Cold I'm So Cold

I don't wanna be stuck off in this cold cold world
Don't wanna mess this up better keep your eye on me girl
Don't wanna mess this up better keep your eye on me girl
Don't wanna mess this up better keep your eye on me girl

I don't wanna be stuck off in this cold cold world (I don't want to be)
Don't wanna mess this up better keep your eye on me girl
Don't wanna mess this up better keep your eye on me girl
Don't wanna mess this up better keep your eye on me girl

Girl I really wanna work this out cause I'm tired of fighting (fighting)
And I really hope you still want me the way I want you (you, you)
I said I really wanna work this out, but girl I'm trying, it's no excuse, no excuse

I got this Icebox where my heart used to be
This Icebox where my heart used to be
(No) I'm so cold I'm So Cold I'm So Cold I'm So Cold
(No) I'm so cold I'm So Cold I'm So Cold I'm So Cold

I got this Icebox where my heart used to be
This Icebox where my heart used to be
(No) I'm so cold I'm So Cold I'm So Cold I'm So Cold
(No) I'm so cold I'm So Cold I'm So Cold I'm So Cold

I have a dream...

2009-05-02T11:17:00.000-07:00

"You're the only girl I know that doesn't clean up her room"

My mom's most used phrase used on me... and my dad's.
So my parents think I'm the only girl who acts like a pig in my own room. What can i say? I like my room that way. Rooms are for free expressions, not for good impressions! (I took that from a movie.)
And what is this that just because I'm a girl I am supposed to have the "clean" gene implanted in me?! Seriously! It's so sexist! I mean when did you ever hear a parent complain about their son's room being messy? Never! They even excuse their son for it. "Oh, Johnny is just being a boy and boys will be boys." That's what moms tell themselves when they're inside their son's room trying to pick up God knows what in a room that smells like rotten eggs! But when it comes to us girls... We've got it rough. Because everytime they come inside our unkempt, untidy and imperfect room they immediately think that we are not girls but dirty little pigs. Yep my mom's most second used phrase on me. "Are you even a girl?!"

-Sighs- I have a dream. I have a dream of a world where girls can act like pigs and not be questioned about it. I dream that one day, girls rooms can be soo messy and their parents won't be confused if she was a real girl and not a boy.
I dream that one day girls can be dirty and parents can be proud of it!

Tracker for the remote control...

2009-04-27T02:58:00.000-07:00

Wouldn't it be awesome if the remote controls had a tracker? I mean how many of us misplace our remote controls that results to wasted hours trying to find that stupid thing. Oh.. you don't know what mayhem a lost remote control can bring. I've seen divorces filed just because their remote control got lost, brothers and sisters forget each other because of the fight for that missing incredible gadget. It's bad, it's really bad.

(I know you might say "Why don't you just get off your lazy butt and go and press the buttons on the TV?" Well my friend, having a missing control is like having something missing piece in my life... Like having a finger cut off.. That's how important it is... I just can't sleep at night when I know that it's lying around somewhere on the floor all alone, or maybe its suffocating under the couch's pillows.. The Horror!! Anyways back to my idea.)

So wouldn't it be much easier if we had a tracker in them? Like you'd have this tiny chip that will ooze sounds (I love that word...oooozze) when u press another remote control that makes it ooze sounds... And then all you'd have to do is follow the sound and voila! The search for the lost control ends! -Cue Indian Jone's theme song-

But then... what happens if the remote control for the tracker gets lost?!
It's a cruel world...

Formulas...zZzZzZ

2009-04-07T01:03:00.000-07:00

I could feel my sweat starting to drop from the temple of my head to my cheek. This is the time I dreaded for. I stared at my desk the whole time trying my best not to move, not to make a sound so that I would go unnotice. I even tried to slow my breathing down. It didn't work, I only ended up breathing heavier. This made me sweat even more.
I noticed that the room was filled with silence, but it wasn't so in my head. Inside I was screaming, praying and begging not to hear a name, a name that belonged to me. My name.
“What was taking so long? Why doesn't she call someone else's name to stand up in the blackboard?” were my thoughts as I waited impatiently for my Chemistry teacher to call out someone to answer the problem she had written on the blackboard. I slowly lifted up my head, again trying not to make a sudden move so that I may continue to be unnoted. I saw her sitting at her desk, she was looking at a piece of paper. It was that paper that had all our names in it. Her eyes were going up and down on the list of names that paper had. Suddenly her eyes stopped and focused into a spot in that piece of paper.
I saw her smiled.
Her smile was the cue for my heart to start beating like a drum. My hands started to go numb. “Here it goes...”

I'm pretty sure you know what happens next... Yep, this is how each of my Chemistry class went. Somehow I always am not prepared to answer the problem that is written on the blackboard. Formulas and I just don't go together, and equations and physics... you got the idea.
Even though I had memorised how to solve that problem the night before, I still can never solve it. And thanks to my unlucky stars, the teacher still called my name frequently. Maybe she just likes the sight of me sweating like a pig, and my constant sayings of “errrr...”, “uhhmmm”, “yeahhh..” in front of everyone... Well I'm glad someone was amused...

Anyway since we're in the formula subject, there is another formula that I don't like that doesn't have to do with chemistry at all. And that is “Formula 1”. I don't actually get why everyone makes a big deal out of it. They're just automobiles that run around in circles with lame stickers on... Don't get me wrong. I love fast cars. But cars like the ones in Fast and the Furious, the pimped ones with their glossy paint, cool gadgets, neons, the cool rims...
I remember playing the Need for Speed games just a few years ago. Man, weren't they fascinating! Having the ability to style your own car, race against other people for money, pink slips and street cred... That was the life! But somehow Formula 1 ruins it for me. I know that street racing is illegal but maybe they could like make an actual racing spot just for those kind of cars and not the ones that are racing in Formula 1... Right?! Feel free to comment me if you agree or disagree.

Have a nice week guys!

I will never believe in quotes again...

2009-02-25T01:10:00.000-08:00

Tuesday, February 24 2009

I woke up great this morning! Birds were singing (or tweeting, in their case), the bright glorious sun has finally come out after so many days of long, boring cloudy winter days. The feeling of warmth that my squishy cushy blanket gave me, made me feel that this was gonna be a great day! But it wasn't so...
You know that quote that says: “You know how your day is going be from the way you wake up.” Well I woke up great and yet somehow my day turned out to be as bad as good as I woke up... (Does that make sense?) :-S

Here is what happened...
After waking up, I felt hungry and weak.
So I go to the kitchen to find me something to eat!
But all I found there were vegetables and raw meat.
Foods that I can't cook at all, I'll have to admit.
So to my dismay,
all I ate was just normal scrambled eggs.

After that incident, I decided to go out and check out this restaurant that my mom told me about. No, I wasn't gonna go there because I wanted to eat but because apparently there was a job offer there that my mom is forcing me to take. So, I call one of my best friends to come with me, (I can never go anywhere by myself, especially when the place is like 2 HOURS away!!) and together we headed to that unknown location. Yeap, unknown location. Unknown because I had no idea where it was. The only info my mom gave me was: the bus I was going to take and the bus stop I was going to get down to. She actually told me to just ask around for the restaurant. “I'm sure they'll know where it is.” were her exact words.
Well, Dana (my best friend) and I took the bus and got down at the bus stop we were supposed to. I could tell that Dana was quiet uneasy because I didn't really know where the place was. But I assured her that everything was gonna be a-ok! Because she was with me hehe. So as we were told, we asked around the place for that restaurant. First person we asked, didn't know where it was. Second person didn't know it either. And pretty soon all the people we asked at that place had no idea where and what restaurant we were asking about. So I called my mom and asked her where the heck was this place and why was it that people had no idea where it was?! So she told us to just keep looking and. So we kept looking and we kept on walking at the cold, by that time the sun was gone and the wind replaced its place. Our noses have turned red and we couldn't feel our ears anymore. After an hour of walking we decided to give up. I called my mom to tell her of our decision. And all she said was..:You know what, I'm sure you're not interested in this job that's why you don't wanna find it.”

HOW DARE SHE?!!!! WE WERE OUT THERE IN THE FREEZING COLD WALKING FOR HOURS AND SHE SAYS THAT I WASNT INTERESTED???!!!!!!

The Cab - I'll Run

2008-11-26T00:03:00.000-08:00

I love this song!!!

THE CAB - I'LL RUN
I can see it in your eyes, you're scared
All these things they force you to do aren't fair
I'm here to chase away these tears
And baby we can chase away these fears

(Because)sometimes baby you fall on your back
But girl you're three times the lady I'll ever have
And you know, you know it's true
This is a fight I refuse to lose

And I'll run (and I'll run)
Have a little faith in me
You're scared and alone
And I'll run (and I'll run)
This is where we both break free
I'll bring you home (you home, you home)

I can hear it in your voice, you care
Let me run my fingers through your hair
I'll keep you company at night
And baby I'm here to make this right

(Because) sometimes baby you fall on your back
But girl you're three times the lady I'll ever have
And you know, you know it's true
This is a fight I refuse to lose

And I'll run (and I'll run)
Have a little faith in me
You're scared and alone
And I'll run (and I'll run)
This is wear we both break free
I'll bring you home (you home, you home)

Believe me and don't think twice
And don't leave me or say goodbye
Believe me, believe me tonight
Believe me and dont think twice
Believe me

And I'll run
Have a little faith in me
You're scared and alone

And I'll run (and I'll run)
Have a little faith in me
You're scared and alone
And I'll run (and i'll run)
This is where we both break free
I'll bring (i'll bring) you home (you home, you home)

Have a little faith in me
Have a little faith in me (have a little faith, have a little faith)
Have a little faith in me (have a little faith, have a little faith)
If you have a little faith in me

A great poem by my awesome friend Kirsten.

2008-07-18T15:46:00.000-07:00

Okay this poem was made by a really good friend of mine Kirsten. I'm posting it here because this poem of hers just inspires and actually encourages me. Hope that it does the same thing to all of you who are reading this.
I wish I had your talent Kirst! Missing you and Kaitie-bug a lot! (Come back to Greece!!!)

Why, Lord?
Why is it so easy, Dear Jesus
For me to stumble and fail?
Why do I eat the forbidden fruit
When I know it's rotten and stale?

Forgive me for my numerous faults
When I stumble time after time
Like the woman turned pillar of salt
I look back at the word I left behind.

Why is it so hard to come back, Lord?
Even when I know that I'm wrong
The alter feels so far away
Because sin's pull is so strong.

The longer I put of repentance
The larger the gap between us grows
Harder it is to return to You
And be released by from the grasp of my foes.

Why do You love this poor sinner?
Lord, I bow at Your feet and I weep
When I think that my sin is the reason
Your son bore the world on the Tree.

I stand both in awe and in agony
Because I am what crucified
My sin is what hammered those nails in Your hands
And peirced the sword in Your side.

Ah l'amour...

2008-07-18T05:27:00.000-07:00

It's quote day! Here are some quotes I found for all of you who are in love or trying to recover from that love... Hope you like them!

"Have you ever been in love? Horrible isn't it? It makes you so vulnerable. It opens your chest and it opens up your heart and it means that someone can get inside you and mess you up. You build up all these defenses, you build up a whole suit of armor, so that nothing can hurt you, then one stupid person, no different from any other stupid person, wanders into your stupid life...You give them a piece of you. They didn't ask for it. They did something dumb one day, like kiss you or smile at you, and then your life isn't your own anymore. Love takes hostages. It gets inside you. It eats you out and leaves you crying in the darkness, so simple a phrase like 'maybe we should be just friends' turns into a glass splinter working its way into your heart. It hurts. Not just in the imagination. Not just in the mind. It's a soul-hurt, a real gets-inside-you-and-rips-you-apart pain. I hate love."

-Neil Gaiman

*I'm so tired of falling and picking myself up.
I've fallen one too many times, And I can't keep
learning from my mistakes. I've done my part so
it's time you do yours. You can do one of two things.
You can make things right, or leave them wrong.*

*How far do I have to go to make you understand
I wanna make this work so much it hurts, but I just can't
keep on giving, go on living with the way things are
So I'm gonna walk away
And it's up to you to say how far.*

Great love? - - -
Its when you shed tears for him..and still care for him
Its when he ignores you.. but you still long for him
Its when he starts loving another girl - -
And yet you manage to smile and find the courage to say
" Im happy for you "

What hurts more than losing you is knowing that you're not fighting to keep me.

And it's because of you that everything lately seems to be so hard.

If Only...

2008-07-18T05:25:00.000-07:00

If only... How many nights have those 2 letter words hunted us? How many days, hours and minutes were our souls tortured by images of what we wish would have been? How many times have we pleaded, beseeched for the impossible which is to turn back time and change the past? As we toss and turn in our bed at nights we can't help but regret the sins we have done towards God, loved ones and even just strangers. We regret the things we did, things at which now has altered all those plans we have thought of. Plans that would have made our lives so much better...

"If only I have done it the way it was supposed to be, the way which I knew was right all along this would have never happened." is man's most repeated phrase in the darkness. Though when the same situation happen to us again but in a different form then we would totally know which way to choose because it has happen to us again right? Wrong. Sad to say man always choose pride and his self above all else, to show that he is right and all else is wrong even though he knows that he isn't. He chooses the road again that leads him to sleepless nights with "If only"s beside him. Wishing again and again to change what he has done but unfortunately even after all that pain he will never change.

This is what my dad must be feeling now. This is why our light in the living room is on while all else is off late at night. He's regretting it all by himself wishing that he could have been a different person to my mom. Wishing that he could have swallowed his pride, his egoism and did what was suppose to be done as a father and as a husband... But it's too late now Dad... It's just too late...

Congratulations! She sounds like she really mean it this time.

2008-07-17T09:40:00.000-07:00

She must be feeling so happy now
now that she has you back by her side.
She must be feeling so complete
now that she has you again to keep.

But are you ready to take it all back again
are you ready to face the pain?
Are you ready to fall again
in her lies and deceits which drove you insane?

What happens when she leaves you again?
What happens when you start crying in the rain?
What happens when all those tears
leave you miserable, hopeless and not thinking clear?

Will you run to me again
cry back into my arms
tell me that I had always been right
while I'm hugging you tight?

But what would you say if I told you the truth
told you that I'm leaving
can't bear it anymore
because of this feeling
that brings me down crying on the floor.

Because it hurts me so much
when to you I'm only a friend
it kills me not to know
how to make this suffering end.

For you only come to me
when she makes you blue
You only need me
when you want a rebound, oh how cruel!

Even though I've loved you all along
and have told you a million times.
But I'm sick and tired of being there for you
because she's always the only thing in your mind.

So I wish you good luck
I hope this time you and her will work out
and I must confess to you that I will be in pieces
whenever I'll see you with her
trapped in her kisses...

Coffee!

2008-07-16T08:01:00.000-07:00

Hallo hallo peeps!! =)

I've finally decided to post a blog without quotes or sayings but just what I think and stuff.. (boring? I know..=P but it's worth it you get to learn more stuff about me! hehe)

Anywayz, I had a revelation today. After 18 years of my life I just finally realized that coffee makes me nervous... -Rubs temple- And it also makes me dizzy but hyper at the same time lol.------------ (It's been like 15 minutes now and I can't think of anything else to write, gosh this blog thing is harder than I thought.)

You must probably be wondering why I drank coffee. Well it's because of the fact that I've only slept for only 2 hours these past 2 days! And it wasn't because I was reading and studying for my exams which are coming up in 1 week (wish me luck, I'm really going to need it!) but because of all you people out there who only gets on when I'm about to sleep and keeps me awake...(You all know who you are.. =P)

Anywayz since I'm making a blog I also want to write about all these stupid, dumbstrucking news, so you guys can be updated with what's happening to this oh-so crazy world...

-Clears throat and starts to speak in a serious tone of voice- An 18 year old teenage guy in South Carolina decided to blow himself up and his school (be prepares for this one!) so that he can die, go to heaven and asassinate Jesus... The kid was arrested on a Saturday (can't remember when) because his parents told the police that he odered ten pounds of amonium nitrate! o_O Wow I don't even know what to say instead of this guy is crazy, obviously lol (ok it's really not a subject to laugh about) but these types of news just makes you wanna think twice before leaving the house because you can never know if the stranger beside you is planning to blow up McDonald's just because it's the reason that he has gain 30 pounds! Here is the link to the story if you guys don't believe me. http://www.cbsnews.com/stories/2008/04/29/national/main4056750.shtml?source=RSSattr=HOME_4056750

Well that's it for now! I really need to lie down and because my dizziness is starting to turn into a migrane... -_-...